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It’s that time again sports fans! The part where I stare at a computer screen for an hour before I go and make pizza? The part where I do my awesome new podcast with my pal Joe over at 411Mania?! No; it’s time for the long awaited return of the Luchabag. It’s been about a month or so and with the AAA/Marvel stuff recently happening, it was only natural that I would get a ton of totally real questions from people that are totally real and not me or my friend making stuff up. And so I did and so here is the Luchabag! Let’s answer some questions.

So how soon till CMLL and DC Comics team up for their own lucha libre/comic book crossover?

–Zack, Wisconsin

Why on earth would you wish that evil on us all?! At least a Marvel/AAA partnership is between two organizations that are, more or less, run pretty decently (and in Marvel’s case tremendously). A CMLL/DC alliance would pretty much be partnering up one of the most inept organizations this side of the western hemisphere…and CMLL! That be like getting Ike and Tina back together and holy shit I can’t believe I just made that reference. See?! This question has driven me so mad I’m making 40 year old references!

Forget the references, YOU’RE OBSESSED WITH THE REFERENCES!

But yes; a DC/CMLL partnership would only leave us with endless heartbreak…or at best a one week deal before DC or CMLL does something the other hates and one just disappears for years. I mean sure it’ll be briefly resurrected when Zack Snyder rides in to do his version but we all know how that will end too. Personally I’m more interested in this potential alliance; IWRG and the Sandman universe. You’re telling me you wouldn’t be interested in The Endless trying to take over Arena Naucalpan? TAKE MY MONEY NOW!

Can you believe AAA not only got Cain Velasquez before every other promotion but now has access to Captain America too and Spider-Man too?! When is Dave Meltzer going to give Dorian Roldan Promoter of the Year already?

–Luisa, Mexico City

I mean Dave should be giving that to Dorian (or Konnan, or Marisela, or all three) anyway considering AAA has been the best promotion in the world for the last year. I mean where else can you find a promotion that has ties with every non WWE/New Japan promotion alive, has Kenny Omega as their world champ and now a deal with Marvel? It’s incredible, and even more so when you consider Dorian was one of the key players in Lucha Underground’s demise and AAA’s two year fall from grace. Not since Mickey Rourke in the mid 2000’s has there been a comeback this shocking and this great. Now hopefully Dorian just passes on that role as the villain in Iron Man 2.

How soon does WWE sign every last wrestler on the planet to prevent them from being taken over by Marvel Championship Wrestling?

–The Man From Another Place, Another Place

Let’s pump the breaks here sports fans. I’ve seen several people get excited over the possibility, briefly touched upon at the Triplemania press conference last Monday, that Marvel may be getting into the wrestling business in a bigger way than just letting AAA put some of their guys under gimmicks Marvel came up with. The reality though is that we’re nowhere near that yet. Is it possible if things go well Marvel and AAA may team up for a promotion or Marvel may decide to get in the game on their own? Sure. Would I bet my Batman Bobblehead or year supply of Sunkist soda on it? No. The most likely scenarios in play here are that Marvel eventually becomes the “you know; wrestling isn’t for me guy” and bolts while allowing AAA to continue using the Arcano, Leyenda Americana, Terror Purpura and Venenoide characters afterwards, or the two sides sever ties and those characters just disappear. This is wrestling folks; always expect the least exciting scenario.

Big deal. Wake me when a lucha promotion announces a deal with the Nightmare on Elm Street/Friday the 13th franchise.

–Jason, New Jersey

Freddy and Jason will have to get in line behind The Endless. I’m telling you; Dream vs. Trauma I, hair vs. mask, is easy money ready to be made in Naucalpan! Also, why on earth would I want Freddy or Jason in a lucha promotion when we’ve already had over 9,000 of those knockoffs anyway? If anything we need an Ashley J. Williams crossover and I have the perfect person for the role; Jon Moxley. Tell me Moxley as Ash doesn’t work. I DARE YOU!

So who is actually going to be playing these Marvel characters?

–Skeegan, UCONN

Great question. The word is that AAA already has people lined up for these gigs on the roster and while the first inclination would be to go with one of the undercard high flyers, a closer look at these guys suggest some are way bigger than some of those smaller dudes would be. Of course those guys could’ve just been modeling the characters for the video package so who can say for sure? In any event, I’ve put some thought into this and quite frankly there’s only two people that a) I could see fitting these gimmicks who work AAA regularly now and b) who could use a change. Those two would be Australian Suicide and Dinastia. Suicide would frankly be perfect for the Arcano character, considering it’s based of Spider-Man and Suicide is Spider-Man if he swore a lot and listened to Lagwagon. And I have to agree with Rob Viper is saying Dinastia kind of needs a change. I think he’s gone as far as he can go in his current iteration and a gimmick change may also be the thing to get his motor going 100% of the time, something he does struggle with on occasion (example; this past Sunday). Beyond those two though I think AAA would be wiser to go outside of the promotion to fill the final two spots. Especially since one of them is supposed to be Captain Gorram America and you want to bring Lio Rush in. Kill two birds with one stone, bring Rush in, make him Leyenda Americana and then make Cage Terror Purpura. Then PayPal me my fee. I come cheap AAA, don’t worry.

Aaa Lucha Libre Psp Rom

Are we going to get Howard the Duck in AAA? I mean come on; if they can have fifteen different clown characters in there, this Marvel deal should give us Howard and a chance for him to redeem himself after George Lucas ruined his life. JUSTICE FOR HOWARD! #WeWantTheDuck

–Beverly, Cleveland

I will accept this only if they bring in Ludark Shaitan as Howard’s female sidekick, only instead of a damsel in distress she’s basically the ultimate bad ass. You know; like Ludark Shaitan. Otherwise I think I’m pretty cool with no one except James Gunn touching Howard the Duck. And yes I’m saying that because I still haven’t forgiven Lucas for destroying the Duck’s good name. We should’ve known then the prequels would suck.

Forget all this “which AAA luchadores are going to be this character?” and “how big a deal is this?” and all that jazz. I don’t want to hear it! Level with me Eric; if AAA luchadores could be Marvel characters, which ones would they be? Also, do you have my copy of The Last of the Mohicans? I can’t find it anywhere.

–Your Brother, Providence

First off, why not just call yourself Daniel? WE’RE BROTHERS AFTER ALL! Second, I’ll get right on driving it over to your place after I get done with it first, followed by me writing the Army of Darkness remake, starring Jon Moxley as Ash.

Finally, you of all people should know that I tried to come up with a whole column devoted to casting AAA luchador(a)s as Marvel superheroes, couldn’t do it, and then pivoted to the Luchabag after my dozens of fans totally bailed me out by sending me totally legit emails. It’s just too tough. There’s way too many Marvel people, only about 25% of them